like considering a curiosity

Today I'm thinking about my story. I gave an update to a long-lost friend about our church situation and found myself at a loss for how to describe it. Looking back this much later, what does it all boil down to? This week I feel like I could sum it all up with something Caren said the other night: Authority in the absence of humility is dangerous. But there's always more, isn't there? There's more happening in us now than I have words to express. Some things can only be seen clearly in retrospect.

But now I'm preparing to see old friends in the next few days, and I'm thinking about how our recent story fits into my wider story. I'm not a person who stays well-connected to the past. I remember much, much less than most people and I seldom reminisce. So I feel like I'm going to have one foot plunged back into the past, and I'm just wondering what I'll see. If there's any continuity to it all. If there's any hope that where we find ourselves now is actually heading anywhere.

I haven't felt well enough to bring the full powers of my angst to our current place. My morning sickness ended just in time for what was either the stomach flu or food poisoning. Phyllis thinks it's a gift. I haven't had the energy to do anything but be at peace most of the time, and it's been relaxing. I know I tend to have some area of my life under the microscope at all times, but I also know it doesn't serve me well.

So for today I'm just pondering my story, not in a laboratory-observational kind of way, but more like considering a curiosity. And I'm aware of how much our relationships shape our stories, giving us reference points as we navigate the paths before us.