one year

We're coming up on the one-year anniversary of my first visit to St. John's Episcopal Cathedral, and I've been thinking a lot about what's happened in our lives since then. If you had told me then what would happen in our journey with the church, some things would have been very predictable, others surprising, and a few heart-breaking. A year later I still find myself taking refuge inside the Cathedral walls, dreaming about my next encounter with the bread and the wine.

I was thinking yesterday about how many aspects of my life back then seem like an imitation, and how much more authentic my experience is now. I used to dream of community, but what I had was a club membership. My community now is very much a living and breathing presence in my life, though they don't always know how to describe or label themselves. I used to long to make a difference back then, and used that longing to justify all kinds of busy-ness and activity. Now I know the most profound difference I'll make, whether in the lives of my acquaintances or my children, won't be the result of something I do as much as the result of letting myself--my true self--be in the lives of others. That requires space; it doesn't happen when you're living at break-neck speed. It even requires space for solitude, so I don't lose touch with my true self and turn making a difference into one more way to prove my worth through achieving.

Out of time; been trying to get this up for two days, so I guess I'll throw this portion out there for now.