candles and Cousins

I'm at the library, stealing a quick opportunity to post. Last night, Justin surprised me with Rose Cousins's album, If You Were For Me, that he bought off itunes with a gift card he got for his birthday or Christmas. I had told him it was what I missed most about having my computer down--listening to Rose Cousins's mp3s on her myspace page. So there was my little family gathered around the candlelit dinner (every night is an occasion for candlelight at the Lee house) listening to soothing music and warming our insides with a hearty beef stew and garlic bread. I just say all this because it's important to me that we have these islands of bliss even when life feels stormy. It helps me keep hold of my sanity.

Lucy was bound and determined to join the conversation. When we gather around the table, it never matters how happy she's been playing on the floor, she always wants to be held so she can sit up at the table with the rest of us. It's like she has radar--there's a party going on without me! I know! I see candles! But last night she was vocalizing more than we've heard before, she even experimented with a little squeal, which was adorable.

In the mornings after her 5:00/5:30 feeding, I usually lay her next to me in bed to sleep while I sit and write under my little booklight. She can ooch six inches across the bed until she finds my leg and burrows her face into it. This morning I laid down next to her for a few minutes. Her eyes were completely closed, but her little hand reached out until it found my cheek, and then she started playing with it. She'd press in and feel the skin bounce back and do it again and again. Finally her frigid little fist came to rest directly under my nose, like it was a hand dryer in a gas station bathroom on a cold day.

I'm headed home soon to write and--perhaps--close my eyes for ten minutes. I've been over at String this morning at a workshop with Debbie Bliss. I may write more about that later, but I need to process it first.