A Shower for One

Diana F+
Sometimes it is good to be alone,
in this strange universe
bounded by four white walls
and a bright plastic globe of a sun.
Here I can undress,
and let my body be soft.
It is not beautiful,
this droopy display of freedom,
but it need only be true.
At least in this place.
The water picks the thoughts
from my tangled head
and runs them down a long journey
to my feet, which are not troubled by them.
The trail of them running over my front
and down my back remind me
that for these few minutes,
I can stop
apologizing
to all the people trying to
make sense of me
without the rest of the story.
I stop dodging verdicts
like "crazy" or "neurotic".
It seems that everything I do is
an apology.
Only this water can take me as I am,
with my crevices and curves.
It won't misunderstand a thing.
I let it wash away all the words
I've been donning
to try to make everything okay.
They aren't doing anything to make
me okay.
I towel off my disappointment that
welcome
is so hard to find in the world.
I try to hold on to this feeling:
disrobed,
true,
clean.