no good

I'm realizing that it's been days since I've had any waking time of solitude, or had a chance to write. And each day that passes, the things I have to write keep piling up in my brain, creating a not-so-slow panic and feeling of being overwhelmed. Right now I feel ready to commit an act of violence. I was actually awake this morning in time, then accidentally fell asleep and woke to find my child already awake. I feel devastated, and it brings me to tears. Is there another mom who knows what I'm talking about? Then my husband starts scrambling, trying to fix it. What about after lunch, he asks. By the time "after lunch" rolls around these days, I am so exhausted that I can hardly stay awake. A second caffeine dose is required to accomplish the most menial, non-creative task after lunch, and by the time the tyke's bedtime rolls around I am so mentally trashed that I actually start believing that Law & Order SVU constitutes "entertainment". Nope. For me it has to be first thing in the morning, or not at all. It's this precious window when I can pretend I'm my own human being, not just someone else's milk cow, referee, social coordinator, entertainer, maid or cook. Despite what one might think about my life right now, apparently sleeping in does me no good.