bull time

Last week Justin and I were talking with someone about marriage, and there was this piece of the conversation that lingers with me. Our friend pointed out that when we feel under attack, unsafe or defensive we shrink up and begin operating out of our most unhealthy or undeveloped parts. This does little to bring healing or enlightenment to the situation, in fact it generally creates more brokenness (think bull in the relational china cabinet). But when there is room for us to be just as we are without being made wrong, in that place of trust and safety we open up and relate out of our healthiest and most developed parts. I think it goes without saying which version of ourselves is the most fun to be around.

We've been looking at our lives and where we've fallen in to this pattern, and it's also given me some insight with other people in my life. I've been thinking about some old friends in particular, who have grown more defensive, self-protective and, some might even say, paranoid
. Being around them over time, for us it's the difference between feeling like we were knowing (experiencing/learning/loving) them and feeling like we were dancing around in an elaborate role-play.

It's good to find safe places, but even better to recognize the safe places of which we're already in the midst.