I must be feeling better

I must be feeling better, or something. I haven't spent this much time in front of my computer for awhile. What am I doing, you may wonder? Reading blogs. Even really old, archived stuff. Anything by my favorite writers I can get my hands on. I keep trying to figure out what I'm looking for. Once upon a time it was new ideas regarding church and community; something to give me hope for the future. This time I think I'm battling a certain kind of loneliness.

This time I'm looking for clues about where this path will take me. My companions along the way feel too few, and most the time there are things about where each other is coming from that we can only imagine and never truly grasp. I suppose it reminds me of Dorothy and friends, who traveled arm-and-arm but couldn't really experience each other's inner quests.

When I was introduced to the blogosphere almost a year ago, it felt like finding a notes from travelers ahead of me on the trail. I was so thrilled to find that others had walked this way before! Their notes were full of hope, and I increased my speed, devouring book after book. But over time, their paths have diverged, their notes slowing or stopping altogether.

Perhaps it's time for me to lay aside my American compulsion to move forward. The thing to do might be to rest here awhile. Check out some more Ani. Seek solace in some Kathleen Norris. Maybe it's time for a monastic season. Be quiet. Be still. It could be a cop-out, but I think my fellow travelers and I agree that we don't feel like we've experienced the necessary healing to create something new.

Peace for today. I guess that's what I want.