missing mania

Blah, blah, blah, again today. I'm trying to manage my need for connection and my need for autonomy and find that perfect balance that leaves me stimulated, but not avoiding my creative work. I have something with a friend planned today and tomorrow, so that's good. A local restaurant is hosting a bimonthly Mother's Night Out, with dinner and drink specials for moms. Maybe I'll hit that this week. I slept consecutive hours last night, so that should help me feel better today, if I remember correctly.

I feel like a bipolar person who has recently gone on medication and misses her manic highs. Wondering if I'm worth beans without them. Feeling--yet again--the cost I pay with my soul when I locate my identity in my accomplishments. I told Justin this morning, Other moms aren't manic all the time and they make it just fine. He said, Some moms aren't manic at all. Hmmm. I also feel resigned, as though it just occurred to me for the first time that if I do all my work today, there will still be more work tomorrow. The work will never be done. My inner slave driver just dropped her whip at that. She's thinking about resigning. I could only be so lucky.

My new Innocence Mission CD is good, but it's largely about how much Karen misses her mom and dad, whom I gather have both passed away now. So, not really a mood-lifter in many places, but what I love so much about Karen Peris's songwriting is that even in the sadness and grief it still points you to the beauty in life.

I saw a flyer featuring a new book that chronicles the author's year spent without buying anything and the lessons she learned about consumerism. Sadly, I can't remember the title well enough to find it anywhere, so maybe we'll return to the coffee shop where I think the flyer was posted. I'm off to play with Amelia now.